Thanksgiving Nightmare!

So, as you may have read in my last blog... I'm taking a break from dating. But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop blogging, because, you, dear reader, deserve better than that!

You see, I've got literally dozens of horrific dating experiences from my past that I'm sure you'll love. So, this is going to be the beginning of my Blast from the Past series! (Original name, huh?)

I really don't even know anymore.

About two years ago I had a chance to go to a party at nerd heaven: CalTech. That's right. It was a school-wide party and I thought for sure I'd find some genius-girl there! It was quite an amazing party, actually, they even had a Tron theme going, with stages and props built by the students.

There was a cute girl in one of the rooms with glasses on. I started a conversation with her and she seemed smart and sweet. I liked this girl! So, I got her number. I thought things looked good, and was excited to call her. But then, she went home for... (dun dun dun)... Thanksgiving. 

Seriously. Thanksgiving ruined my chances with this girl. Why, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. I thought I'd text her while she was on vacation. Here's an example of how one conversation went.

Me: Hi, enjoying your visit home?

Her: Yes, it's great. Trying not to eat too much dessert.

Me: Enjoy it! It's only once a year. What are you going to do tonight?

Her: We're going to watch porn. 

Now, at this point, you probably are feeling something like I felt at that moment. Let's see if Google search has an image that represents this feeling. 

Something like this.

I thought... hey... so... she's... trying to be funny? Maybe? So I figured I'd go along with it.

Me: With your family?

Her: Yep. Family tradition.

Me: Oh yeah? Which one?

Her: Debbie Does Dallas. 

So, I let that go for a while. Thought I'd take a break, maybe call her the next day instead. So I called the next day. A youthful male voice answered. I asked for her, he said hold on. Then, whoever he was, put the phone down and just left it there. I could hear noises of people talking and stuff. I waited about two minutes or so, then hung up.

I called again a few hours later, hoping to finally get her. The same guy answered with, "Hey. Is this that loser guy? He sure sounds like one," then hung up.

I figured at this point, well, she must have decided she hated me and had her relative/friend answer and mock me until I went away. Or, she from the start intended to mock me and had her boyfriend answer the phone. I have to admit, I kind of got angry.

So, I decided on a last ditch plan. I'd call her at 2 a.m and leave a voice mail and tell her what had been happening just in case it was, somehow, not her behind it. I figured there's no way she'd answer at 2 a.m. Or, whoever those people were, they wouldn't answer either. So I called. A female answered. I was totally not prepared for this.

Well, let me tell you, there was no way I was going to let whoever it was make fun of me again so I laughed evilly and then hung up. Of course, it was really her who had answered.

She texted me the next day saying that she thought I was a really nice guy but then she must be wrong because what kind of nice guy would do something horrible like that? (Yes, I still feel bad about doing that. It just... happened!)

So I texted her back saying I wasn't horrible but that someone else (it seemed) was texting me and even using her phone when I tried to contact her. She said it was probably her cousins that were there for the family gathering that took her phone. Well. At that point it was kind of too awkward to continue on anymore (you know with that whole evil laughter thing), and we just agreed to go our separate ways.

Sometimes it really does seem like there's some kind of force keeping me from being with someone... this really bizarre mystic fate that causes all kind of odd things to get in the way of me just having a normal relationship with a nice woman.

Either that, or it was the work of the Curse of the Thanksgiving Turkey!

Dear God, please let this not be a real movie.