The End of Full Metal Dating

Congratulations, you have reached the end of the internet.

This is the (so-called) final blog of Full Metal Dating, the blog where Steve formerly detailed his disastrous dating life as a geek searching for true love. It’s been a fun ride. And now for the serious.

For pretty much my entire life, I’ve failed miserably at finding love. When I was a teenager, I foolishly fell in love with the prettiest girls in the school when every time there were wonderful girls around me who actually liked me (and not the Quarterback.) Of course I took them for granted and dreamed of cheerleaders. There was Penny, and Wendy, and Robyn… I’m sorry Robyn. See, we were on this church retreat for the summer and she wrote the newsletter for the group and suddenly I was running for the “Youth Congress” and she liked me so much she gave me inside information from her surveys on what the students wanted and I even used it to get elected. (Was that wrong?) She was smart, pretty, courageous, clever… and I was too busy drooling over some girl that wouldn’t even talk to me. She must have been so happy when I barely won the last seat, but I was too stupid to realize how great she was.

                In college I was engaged to a girl who broke up with me by writing a letter. She lived about 130 miles away. I had no car. To persuade her to change her mind, I decided I’d ride my bike to her house. I made it 108 of the 130 miles with a backpack containing a bologna sandwich (eaten) and some underwear (not eaten.) It wasn’t enough to convince her. I eventually married a woman that I felt God had chosen for me, and everything went wrong.

                For three years I tried to make things work, but there was nothing I could do. After we split there were many nights with Jose Cuervo and Xanax so I could sleep. This, I think, shaped my future of relationships. I trusted God for many things in the past, but after the failed marriage, I had no faith in that area.

                Yeah, by the way, I’m a Christian. I didn’t talk about it much in my blog; I mean, I’m already a geek fanboy trying to find a woman, adding “Christian” to it seemed even more difficult. The blog was kind of lighthearted anyway, but those days are at an end. One year ago my heart was broken for the last time. I didn’t blog about this girl because I thought she was “the one.” Anyway, for whatever reason my whole world fell apart after that, not even directly related to what happened with her. So, I’ve been on my own for a year. I lost my health and I struggled just to keep going for twelve months. But I did it with the mercy of Christ, and I’m not 100% yet, but I reckon I’ll live anyway. And so it’s time for the new revelation: I’m trusting God from now on for my future, including my future woman. I’m letting go of the past.

                Right now I’m not in any shape to date anyone, I still have weeks, maybe months of healing to do. I’ve even said that I could just stay single and be happy, just to have my health back again. And that’s probably true, but that isn’t how my Father works. He does more than we expect, he does more than we imagine. I am saying that I believe He has someone for me out there, and I will know and she will know and that’s how I’m going to live my life from now on. No more playing “by the numbers,” trying to find my one in a million. She’s out there, somewhere, and when it’s time, she will be there. And together, we will be unstoppable. Our future is amazing, our future with God in his family. We will experience amazing things, conquer obstacles, sing, run, laugh, and be full of amazing joy. She and I will be super heroes, adventurers, vampires, and whatever else we can imagine. I won’t give up, but I will cease my struggling and striving now. Let it be on earth, as it is in heaven.

                Thank you all for reading my blog and supporting me over the years. Thanks for laughing with me, and sharing your stories. Thank you for being a reader and a friend. I pray that you will also find your path, the one God has made for you.

Long Lost Sweetheart

You may be wondering why I suddenly am posting to this blog again after over a year. Of course, you probably wonder a lot of things. Regardless, if you're new -- go back and read all the other entries. Why not? So, I've been chronically ill for basically a year so I haven't dated anyone, or had interest in dating anyone, or even asked anyone out on a date. Mostly I just laid around a lot.

C'mere Faye.

You're probably also wondering what is wrong with me, putting an animated gif in my blog entry like that? Well it's my blog and I can do what I want. Anyway I'm here to tell you a story. It's not really a date story, per se, but it's so unusual that I had to share. This event occurred about two years ago when I went back to my hometown to visit.

Could you be my long lost girl?
When I was thirteen I finally got contact lenses. You see, before that I had glasses. Thick, heavy glasses with tortoise shell plastic frames. If only hipsters existed then I would have been remotely cool, besides the fact that the lenses made my eyes look really tiny.

Also when I was thirteen I met -- we'll call her Amy. Amy had beautiful red hair, was sweet, and was a whole year older than me. She just lived a few houses away and when the neighborhood kids hung out we both would be there.

I asked her out, I professed my love, all the stupid Steve things I did when I was a teenager -- but she had another. I'm not sure who this guy was since I never saw him but she said he was great. Of course I was her close friend and she was really sweet and beautiful at me all the time. I even saved a picture of her in my "memory box" which I still have.

Fast forward to... the future. Well, okay, the present. Enter: Facebook. You can find just about anybody on Facebook and one day I was looking through my memory box when I wondered: why did I save all these passes from the DC Metro rail? But I also wondered what happened to Amy. A few internet moments later and there she was on my screen. I sent her a message and a friend request. She answered! We talked. We called. We reminisced. Then I mentioned I was coming home for a visit. Now, she had a boyfriend at the time so it wasn't going to be a romantic reunion with her, but I thought it would be fun to catch up.

Then it got weird
I bet you never saw this coming! I met her at a bar that was at a country club and had an Old West theme. (I know, right?) She actually had just moved in to some apartments just about 50 yards away. We met at her digs then walked over to the place. There were a few folks in there and we took seats right up at the bar. We got our two dollar drafts in plastic cups (classy!) We talked about a few things. Some pretty blonde girls came in and sat near us. She said, "Go on, talk to them. I won't stop you from getting laid."
    I kind of looked at her in disbelief and said, "Uh, okay." I was just there to see Amy, not pick up random blondes at the bar. Then an older guy sat down on the other side of her and started talking to her. Apparently he knew her. When he wasn't talking to her he kept staring at me. It was a very strange stare. A group came in and she said, "Hey! Let's challenge them to a pool game! If we win they have to buy our beer! No, whoever loses has to leave the bar!"
    Okay, so I'm a "fun guy" in general, but this seemed rather odd to me. I also was wondering how I was going to get through the night without getting into a fight when she told random strangers to leave the bar. "Couldn't we just, ask them to play a game of pool?"
   "Oh, oh! I know! We can act like we are from another country! Cheerio, mate! Top o' the mornin' to ya!"
On the outside I was like, "Haha! Sure!" but on the inside I was like It's not even morning! What is happening here?
  They walked by and she was pulling my sleeve, "Come on! Let's tell them! They will have to buy our beer! I'm a pool shark!" But the beer is only two bucks. I looked around the bar desperately for something to distract her. There were blondes, big muscly guys, and the group that just came in. Oh, and there was the weird guy staring at me. I decided a strategic retreat to the bathroom was in order.

Pool Guppy
When I returned, Amy was partnered up with Mr. Stares-a-lot and they were playing against some folks from that group. I was still trying to figure out how serious she was about everything. I went over to watch; she missed a shot horribly, striking the cue awkwardly and sending it skidding off to one side. She whispered conspiratorially to me, "Don't worry, I'm just making them think I can't play but then I will crush them!"

I apologize for this silly image.

    This perhaps would have been funny if she was joking, but the whole time she seemed serious. I quietly walked over to the bar and started talking to the folks there. She continued to lose horribly, and every time I went over to her she reassured me that she was an amazing pool player taking these guys for a ride. I really didn't care what kind of pool player she was, I was just hoping to catch up and talk. Anyway, she was very convincing in her facade. She was so good at faking that she was terrible that most of her balls were still on the table when she lost. Even Mr. Staretacular couldn't make up the difference. She didn't say anything to me after the game but went straight to the bathroom. I talked to some other people a little more, glad for the distraction, and then decided I'd go to the bathroom too.
    This is the fun part: I never saw her again. Yes, that's right, somehow without  me seeing she had snuck out of the bar. I felt stupid and awkward, yet relieved at the same time. I texted her some kind of apology thinking maybe she was offended about something, then promptly deleted her from my phone and Facebook. (I admit, it's possible I said or did something terrible without knowing it, I am, after all, male.)

Such is the fate of young love, I suppose. Also this is possibly my second to last entry, so I hope you've enjoyed the silliness that has been my dating life.