Long Lost Sweetheart

You may be wondering why I suddenly am posting to this blog again after over a year. Of course, you probably wonder a lot of things. Regardless, if you're new -- go back and read all the other entries. Why not? So, I've been chronically ill for basically a year so I haven't dated anyone, or had interest in dating anyone, or even asked anyone out on a date. Mostly I just laid around a lot.

C'mere Faye.

You're probably also wondering what is wrong with me, putting an animated gif in my blog entry like that? Well it's my blog and I can do what I want. Anyway I'm here to tell you a story. It's not really a date story, per se, but it's so unusual that I had to share. This event occurred about two years ago when I went back to my hometown to visit.

Could you be my long lost girl?
When I was thirteen I finally got contact lenses. You see, before that I had glasses. Thick, heavy glasses with tortoise shell plastic frames. If only hipsters existed then I would have been remotely cool, besides the fact that the lenses made my eyes look really tiny.

Also when I was thirteen I met -- we'll call her Amy. Amy had beautiful red hair, was sweet, and was a whole year older than me. She just lived a few houses away and when the neighborhood kids hung out we both would be there.

I asked her out, I professed my love, all the stupid Steve things I did when I was a teenager -- but she had another. I'm not sure who this guy was since I never saw him but she said he was great. Of course I was her close friend and she was really sweet and beautiful at me all the time. I even saved a picture of her in my "memory box" which I still have.

Fast forward to... the future. Well, okay, the present. Enter: Facebook. You can find just about anybody on Facebook and one day I was looking through my memory box when I wondered: why did I save all these passes from the DC Metro rail? But I also wondered what happened to Amy. A few internet moments later and there she was on my screen. I sent her a message and a friend request. She answered! We talked. We called. We reminisced. Then I mentioned I was coming home for a visit. Now, she had a boyfriend at the time so it wasn't going to be a romantic reunion with her, but I thought it would be fun to catch up.

Then it got weird
I bet you never saw this coming! I met her at a bar that was at a country club and had an Old West theme. (I know, right?) She actually had just moved in to some apartments just about 50 yards away. We met at her digs then walked over to the place. There were a few folks in there and we took seats right up at the bar. We got our two dollar drafts in plastic cups (classy!) We talked about a few things. Some pretty blonde girls came in and sat near us. She said, "Go on, talk to them. I won't stop you from getting laid."
    I kind of looked at her in disbelief and said, "Uh, okay." I was just there to see Amy, not pick up random blondes at the bar. Then an older guy sat down on the other side of her and started talking to her. Apparently he knew her. When he wasn't talking to her he kept staring at me. It was a very strange stare. A group came in and she said, "Hey! Let's challenge them to a pool game! If we win they have to buy our beer! No, whoever loses has to leave the bar!"
    Okay, so I'm a "fun guy" in general, but this seemed rather odd to me. I also was wondering how I was going to get through the night without getting into a fight when she told random strangers to leave the bar. "Couldn't we just, ask them to play a game of pool?"
   "Oh, oh! I know! We can act like we are from another country! Cheerio, mate! Top o' the mornin' to ya!"
On the outside I was like, "Haha! Sure!" but on the inside I was like It's not even morning! What is happening here?
  They walked by and she was pulling my sleeve, "Come on! Let's tell them! They will have to buy our beer! I'm a pool shark!" But the beer is only two bucks. I looked around the bar desperately for something to distract her. There were blondes, big muscly guys, and the group that just came in. Oh, and there was the weird guy staring at me. I decided a strategic retreat to the bathroom was in order.

Pool Guppy
When I returned, Amy was partnered up with Mr. Stares-a-lot and they were playing against some folks from that group. I was still trying to figure out how serious she was about everything. I went over to watch; she missed a shot horribly, striking the cue awkwardly and sending it skidding off to one side. She whispered conspiratorially to me, "Don't worry, I'm just making them think I can't play but then I will crush them!"

I apologize for this silly image.

    This perhaps would have been funny if she was joking, but the whole time she seemed serious. I quietly walked over to the bar and started talking to the folks there. She continued to lose horribly, and every time I went over to her she reassured me that she was an amazing pool player taking these guys for a ride. I really didn't care what kind of pool player she was, I was just hoping to catch up and talk. Anyway, she was very convincing in her facade. She was so good at faking that she was terrible that most of her balls were still on the table when she lost. Even Mr. Staretacular couldn't make up the difference. She didn't say anything to me after the game but went straight to the bathroom. I talked to some other people a little more, glad for the distraction, and then decided I'd go to the bathroom too.
    This is the fun part: I never saw her again. Yes, that's right, somehow without  me seeing she had snuck out of the bar. I felt stupid and awkward, yet relieved at the same time. I texted her some kind of apology thinking maybe she was offended about something, then promptly deleted her from my phone and Facebook. (I admit, it's possible I said or did something terrible without knowing it, I am, after all, male.)

Such is the fate of young love, I suppose. Also this is possibly my second to last entry, so I hope you've enjoyed the silliness that has been my dating life.