Thanksgiving Nightmare!

So, as you may have read in my last blog... I'm taking a break from dating. But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop blogging, because, you, dear reader, deserve better than that!

You see, I've got literally dozens of horrific dating experiences from my past that I'm sure you'll love. So, this is going to be the beginning of my Blast from the Past series! (Original name, huh?)

I really don't even know anymore.

About two years ago I had a chance to go to a party at nerd heaven: CalTech. That's right. It was a school-wide party and I thought for sure I'd find some genius-girl there! It was quite an amazing party, actually, they even had a Tron theme going, with stages and props built by the students.

There was a cute girl in one of the rooms with glasses on. I started a conversation with her and she seemed smart and sweet. I liked this girl! So, I got her number. I thought things looked good, and was excited to call her. But then, she went home for... (dun dun dun)... Thanksgiving. 

Seriously. Thanksgiving ruined my chances with this girl. Why, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. I thought I'd text her while she was on vacation. Here's an example of how one conversation went.

Me: Hi, enjoying your visit home?

Her: Yes, it's great. Trying not to eat too much dessert.

Me: Enjoy it! It's only once a year. What are you going to do tonight?

Her: We're going to watch porn. 

Now, at this point, you probably are feeling something like I felt at that moment. Let's see if Google search has an image that represents this feeling. 

Something like this.

I thought... hey... so... she's... trying to be funny? Maybe? So I figured I'd go along with it.

Me: With your family?

Her: Yep. Family tradition.

Me: Oh yeah? Which one?

Her: Debbie Does Dallas. 

So, I let that go for a while. Thought I'd take a break, maybe call her the next day instead. So I called the next day. A youthful male voice answered. I asked for her, he said hold on. Then, whoever he was, put the phone down and just left it there. I could hear noises of people talking and stuff. I waited about two minutes or so, then hung up.

I called again a few hours later, hoping to finally get her. The same guy answered with, "Hey. Is this that loser guy? He sure sounds like one," then hung up.

I figured at this point, well, she must have decided she hated me and had her relative/friend answer and mock me until I went away. Or, she from the start intended to mock me and had her boyfriend answer the phone. I have to admit, I kind of got angry.

So, I decided on a last ditch plan. I'd call her at 2 a.m and leave a voice mail and tell her what had been happening just in case it was, somehow, not her behind it. I figured there's no way she'd answer at 2 a.m. Or, whoever those people were, they wouldn't answer either. So I called. A female answered. I was totally not prepared for this.

Well, let me tell you, there was no way I was going to let whoever it was make fun of me again so I laughed evilly and then hung up. Of course, it was really her who had answered.

She texted me the next day saying that she thought I was a really nice guy but then she must be wrong because what kind of nice guy would do something horrible like that? (Yes, I still feel bad about doing that. It just... happened!)

So I texted her back saying I wasn't horrible but that someone else (it seemed) was texting me and even using her phone when I tried to contact her. She said it was probably her cousins that were there for the family gathering that took her phone. Well. At that point it was kind of too awkward to continue on anymore (you know with that whole evil laughter thing), and we just agreed to go our separate ways.

Sometimes it really does seem like there's some kind of force keeping me from being with someone... this really bizarre mystic fate that causes all kind of odd things to get in the way of me just having a normal relationship with a nice woman.

Either that, or it was the work of the Curse of the Thanksgiving Turkey!

Dear God, please let this not be a real movie.

Dating Life on Injured Reserve

I know, all dozen or so of you may have been wondering about the epic story of my repeated bludgeoning out in the dating world. Well, wonder no longer!

As we left our non-hero last time, he had been on a date, just before being hung up on by a nerd-hating femme fatale.

She blew me away. Not literally.

How was that date? I'm sure one of you vaguely is asking.

It was... not horrible! Yes, nothing terrible happened. It was quite unbelievable. She was a very interesting person and I hope we'll stay friends. I don't think we will be dating, however.

In general, there are about 2-3 women I have been interested in lately but to actually get a date or even a phone call out of them has been extremely difficult. I feel like I'm chasing them down. I finally realized what I was doing and thought they must not really be that interested. In fact, heck, I'm not that interested in running around like an idiot trying to get a date with them.

So, in light of my recent experiences and current situation, that's it folks. I'm taking a break. I'm going to relax. Watch some anime, play some PS2. Start watching Revolution, if I remember that I recorded it a week ago. So, now, all of you folks who like to say "You always find someone when you're not looking," here's your chance to be right!

What dating is like for Steve

And if you're right: well fine, I won't complain. (I might just punch you in the face though. Only once.) It certainly would prove to be easier than my current methodology.

So, back to being a nerd... editing my book, editing someone else's book, working on my music, and voicing a children's audio book. And whatever else I want, when I want. Because I'm single.

P.S. Oh and also, if you were kind of mildly wondering, no, I never heard back from one single woman from DragonCon speed dating.

She hung up when I said I was a Geek

So, yet another girl I had met on OKCupid has been playing phone tag with me for weeks. It's strange because I really don't even use OKCupid for dating but people tend to message me. Regardless, this is what happened when I finally got her on the phone today. (As close as I can remember this is what we said.)

Me: Hi! Glad to finally talk. I wanted to ask why you have a blocked number?

Sue: Well, I get a lot of rude people so they have to earn the privilege to get my main number.

Me: Oh, I see. So what are you looking for in a guy?

Sue: If you read my profile you'd already know that.

Me: Well, I did, but that was about a month ago, remember?

Sue: Well you seemed really interested in me so I've been nice and returning your calls.

Me: Yes, well you actually messaged me first. 

Sue: So what do you look for in a woman?

Me: Well, I'm kind of a geek.

Sue: And you're proud of that?

I think this will go well.

Me: Of course, I love being a geek.

Sue: Why are you proud of being a nerd or a geek?

Me: Well, I just -- I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

Sue: Yes, but what are you proud of about being a geek?

Me: Well, I guess I enjoy being able to have fun, intellectual conversations with others about science and science fiction, things like that.

Sue: And you're proud of that.

Me: Well, you can kind of imagine -- have you seen Big Bang Theory? I'm kind of like some of the characters on that show, except I'm more well socially adjusted.

Sue: So you're one of those people that hang around all night waiting for a movie to open, because you have no life.

Me: Well, no I just said, I'm like that except I'm well socially adjusted.

Sue: In your mind.

Me: You can ask my friends, and I have a lot of them --

Sue: Which are all nerds too.

Me: No, I actually have friends from all over the world --

Sue: No, I think you're really a major geek. GOOD-bye.

The good thing is at least this saved me from actually having a date with this woman, can you imagine how awful that would be? And yes, if you imagined her with a snarky, condescending tone in her voice as she talked, you got it right! I feel sorry for the guy she ends up with.

P.S. Stuff! I did go out an a real date with a real geek girl today, but I had to type this phone call out before I forgot any of the precious statements Sue made. So I'll blog about that other stuff soon.

Speed Dating for Nerds!

As I told you recently, I had plans to go to DragonCon. And, so I did. 

I met some cool new friends at the top of the escalator in the Hyatt who were discussing zombies, and one mentioned there was an event, "Light Speed Dating" that Friday night. At first, I was a bit hesitant, but then I remembered my duty to you, dear reader, in writing this blog. After all, I had just done a "normal people" speed dating event (and realized I'm anything but) so I felt it necessary to go experience this phenomenon.

Light Speed Dating at DragonCon

I came to the event just as it was starting. There were two huge lines going out both doors. They were all men. Hundreds and hundreds of men. I am not exaggerating this number in the least. I'd say at least 200. There were no women in the line. Why? Because the event was short on women and any female interested could skip the line and just walk in.

I managed to get in to the event, while hundreds of men still waited outside, hoping. I got my number, 512, and eventually found a seat. I have to tell you that there were probably one hundred women and one hundred men in the room, set in circles of chairs. There were about 4 circles. They were still frantically trying to get more women in to match the amount of men. Eventually, we started.

Since there were so many people we had one minute to talk to each person. Basically it meant that once things started getting interesting, it was time to move on. You were allowed to pick your top five and write them on your card, to see if you match up later. (If you didn't know, speed daters write down numbers of the ones they like, and at the end the organizers see if two people pick each other for a match.)

Let's hope I find her soon, and don't have to fight any exes.

I talked to so many fan girls that night, it was amazing. Many of them were in costume! And I knew all of them were single. I was pretty happy to have so many of them in the room that shared my interests. We asked each other all kinds of questions, about our lives and interests. Most of them were shaking hands, so, unfortunately that's probably how I got sick. (Cough.) In the end I actually had eight women I liked, and had to pick from. I even met another actress girl from Los Angeles and we decided to be friends regardless since we are in the same area and profession.

Finally, after almost three hours, my voice was gone, and the event was over. I turned in my card, hoping for at least one match. Now, I know you're wondering what happened with my matches, and I have to tell you: so am I. It's been a few days since the event, but considering the massive amount of people those poor organizers have to go through, it's not surprising that they haven't gotten back to me yet. At least I have to think that way because the only other conclusion is that none of the women I picked chose me in return. Of course, that would never happen! Haha!

I did find out later that one of the very attractive women I picked just did it for a lark and totally put down fake contact information. Gee, thanks for wasting one of my votes! 

Other Things Happening and Not Happening 

Recently two women on OKCupid actually messaged me. One was a pretty yoga instructor. I told her I was going on vacation for two weeks and that I'd love to get together when I got back. She said that sounded great and was looking forward to seeing me. Except when I got back:

YogiWendy has deleted her account.

I met a girl locally a month or so ago who also gave me her facebook, she added me yet hardly ever talked to me. She is a nerdy kind of girl who also shares other things in common with me. Recently I saw her in my top friends and decided she was never going to talk to me so I deleted her and sent a message to her. She replied by giving me her number. I'm so confused.

Also, at DragonCon, I decided this year I'd just chill and see my friends and such (besides the speed dating, obviously.) However, just wandering around, I did meet a few girls I liked. Here's the synopsis:

Girl 1: Beautiful, nice, sweet, talked to me a good amount... totally didn't tell me she has a boyfriend (saw it on Facebook.)

Girl 2: Wandered up to her to compliment her dress at the bar. When I did, the three guys talking to her left. Maybe they thought I was with her? I talked to her and her friend for over an hour and walked them to their car. She helped me find her on Facebook, picking the correct account. She still hasn't added me. Why do that?

Girl 3: I was about to fly back home and saw this pretty and happy girl dancing with her friends. She was steampunk and had a cat tail. I found myself wishing I had someone like her, someone with that fun and happiness that was so evident. I thought, "Why not?" as I was about to fly out and leave. I asked her to waltz and she did. It was very fun and brought a little joy to my heart. I asked her if I could talk to her again... and to my surprise she actually added me on facebook. We even talked a while and it seems we'd be great together. Until she told me she's just "not dating right now." (Of course this could be code for "not dating you right now.") Oh well. That's what I get for getting my hopes up! Bad Steve.

P.S. I want to let you know that though, as you can see, my dating life is and has been miserable through most of my life, I still am a happy and motivated person. I have many blessings and rewards and goals. I am grateful for this life, and the next. For some reason, I have this strong desire in my heart for a soul mate, and so I still seek her, regardless of the pain. I simply must.

Letter to my friends and a crazy person

Dear Readers,

I have received a lot of great feedback here and on facebook about my personal dating journey. It makes me very glad to know that 1) people actually read this thing and 2) not only that, you seem to care. That's really awesome. :)

Lately it seems to me I may be giving the wrong impression. So, I want to answer a couple of concerns people have mentioned. And then address a crazy person. But that's later. First, let's talk.

Looking Diligently Does Not Mean Settling

Yes. I'm looking rather thoroughly for someone. I realize I want someone very special and rare. I know that many of them that meet my expectations are probably so awesome they are with someone and also have a line going out the door after that. So I'm trying the usual ways I look, like through friends, social activities, dating sites, etc. I'm also trying other things, like the speed dating I mentioned last time. This is the way I look at it: I'm like a biologist trying to find that rare species that some people think might not exist, I'm the archaeologist trying to find a lost treasure, I'm the musician trying to achieve that perfect harmony. I believe it will take effort to find someone like this, and so I look. I'm not looking really hard and then taking the first person that comes along. There will be no settling.

Lonely Does Not Mean Desperate

I told someone on facebook the other day I was going to speed dating and they said, "Wow. You're desperate." No, I'm not. I'm just doing what I would do for any goal I have in mind -- I work for it. I try as hard as I can and hold nothing back. I realize lately I've posted a few times about how I'm lonely. I am. It happens. I see this as a feeling. It can come and go. I don't see it as a symptom of some problem. Sometimes I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm excited, I'm confused -- I'm a lot of things that are simply a part of being human. If I'm lonely, I accept it. Feelings are part of being alive. Even feeling sad can be a beautiful experience, the depth of feeling one can have. I love that we have emotions, and so many of them. I don't believe they should control us, however. Some nights I'm lying in bed dying for someone to hold, to fall asleep with, to feel breathing next to me, softly, at peace. That doesn't mean I'm going to go crazy and grab random people to sleep next to. This longing will make it much sweeter when it is fulfilled.

I think perhaps because my dating experience has been so transparent and I'm posting about it makes it seem more to the forefront, so it might give the impression of these things, but it's not really like that.

Dear Crazy Person,

I find your comments bizarre, unsettling, and only vaguely related to what I'm actually saying. I do not want a girl who is "smart" so she can pay attention to my brains and "lack of physical prowess." I don't think I'm better than anyone, including jocks. I'm also not a sexist pig.... anyway I found out that that person was a troll. At least, it was trying to be a troll, but it instead appeared to me to be mostly insane and made no real sense. So maybe it was a confusion type of troll. Carry on!

Go, Speed Dater, Go! (Nowhere.)

So, I figured I must be looking in the wrong places. Geek dating sites are coming up empty, even normal people dating sites don't work (as you probably didn't read in my previous blog.) I started looking for geeky groups on Meetup, and then just any groups on Meetup that I have interest in. It was there I found... a Speed Dating group.

I'm sorry, blame Google images.

Not only did I sign up, but I paid good money to go to an event. This was a colossal mistake on my part.

This is not to say there was anything bad about the women there. They were great. They were also very, very... normal. I don't even mean this in a bad way except that they served to accentuate how incredibly not normal and/or mainstream that I am. I show up with my blue hair to a bunch of middle class businesswomen who like going to the beach, and I feel something is wrong. Not only that, but there was a cute Asian lady that showed up that I actually was looking forward to talking to. Yeah. She left the event before it started. Apparently, she took one look at us "eligible males" and hightailed it right out of there. (I guess she won't get her money back.)

Now I do have to mention that the guys there were a bit scary. One guy was obviously 50+ even though the event was supposed to be 30-40. Since I've mostly dated women in their 20's lately I thought maybe this would work out... but it's like I suspected. What women in their 30's in a career spend time playing anime and video games? I mean, I have a job and stuff too, really! But when I come home I'm a nerd. These women come home and... I'm not even sure. What do normal people do? Watch TV? Crochet?

Zim. Sort of.

Anyway, I did put a "Yes" for a nice doctor lady who just moved here and wants to make new friends. However, I think she put "No" for me. I feel a bit like a loser.

So, I have no idea where to look. If I go look at church, the girls there are, well, also normal. Don't get me wrong, some of them are gorgeous and smart. I just need a freak like me. Who is going to wake me up with anime and hot cocoa and talk about our plans to take over the world and make the next Lord of the Rings?

Cons are usually a failure. In fact that's where most of my disasters have happened. Even through friends and facebook, nothing working there. I'm being practical about this in a way; mathematically if I extend my search more broadly, I'll have a larger sample. Or something like that. You know, the shotgun approach.

Every day I see friends on facebook post about their relationships...

Gazing at people, some hand in hand, Just what I'm going through they can't understand.

Look, all I need is one amazing, energetic, faithful, nerdy, creative woman to love me like gangbusters, how hard is that, right? :)

A Dream of Castles

According to this random website I just found:

To dream of being in a castle, you will be possessed of sufficient wealth to make life as you wish. You have prospects of being a great traveler, enjoying contact with people of many nations. To see an old and vine-covered castle, you are likely to become romantic in your tastes, and care should be taken that you do not contract an undesirable marriage or engagement.

My dream is to build my own castle. In a way. This is the plan:

The Plan

Look, there's even a heading so you know for sure this is where the plan part is.

I want to buy a house with a large piece of land, in the forest. It probably will be in the south somewhere. On this land, with my house I will have: a medieval tavern, a small fort, a forge where I can make my own swords, cabins for friends to stay for SCA and LARP type events, an archery range, and a tree house.

The tavern will be a splendid wood, wattle and daub style structure, with a kitchen and of course lovely ale and wine type drinks.

Not quite as big as this one.

 Many days I'll go out and work on my swords. I'm sure at first the ones I forge will be pretty bad, but I can give those away or hang them up on the walls in the keep. The keep will be a simple rectangular stone structure that will also double as a feast hall. It will have small towers and of course banners with colorful heraldry. Also it will have a rampart that can be defended -- all of this of course for my friends to fight on and from, whether they are fighters, archers, or even mages. 

You see a castle in the distance. "I take it." Okay, you take the castle.

I'll make it so we can have a big bonfire near the tavern, and at night we can tell stories and sing songs around it in our costumes. 

The treehouse will be fantastic. I'll find a nice tree near the edge of the woods and build a structure with a room and a sleeping balcony area. I plan to screen it off against bugs, but leave the top and sides open so you can breathe the cool night air, as well as look at the stars while you sleep. I'll probably have some nice replica looking lanterns there as well, electric but they will look period. (Don't want to burn down my treehouse.)

One part of the plan I'm really looking forward to: I want to build most of this stuff myself. I'm sure I'll need some help with parts, but I imagine the satisfaction of putting in the work of building all this and I feel very happy indeed. And how nice would it be to have a lovely wife there along to share it with me? Even without a lovely Eowyn... I would still greatly enjoy sleeping in my tree, forging swords, shooting a bow, having friends around the campfire... and creating new adventures. 

I hope to allow LARP and renaissance groups to use my place for free every weekend. And during the week I'd have my quiet forest home with my keep. We could even bring children in for events and introduce them to the wonderful world of fantasy, swordfighting, and archery.

Now, I'm not sure where life will lead me or what I'll be doing. I might even only live there part of the year and let my LARP friends from the south live there and take care of it for me. This is only one dream of mine as well. I have many, including racing cars again. 

I know, all this costs money... but in the south you can get a house and land inexpensively, and if I build a lot of this myself, it wouldn't really be astronomical. It would be worth it, to have this dream.