Don't ask her favorite color!

I know, about two months ago I told you that I was going to take a break from dating for a while. And so I did. But then I met a girl at a convention (I know, I know) that really seemed to stand out to me.

Yes, I know I'm an idiot... for some reason, when I saw this lady, I'll call her Lady Gray (Ever played Fable? ) she stood out, almost like there was a glow on her. We talked for a while at the con, had very similar interests. She seemed nice. So we had a date the next week.

This was actually a wonderful date, and we had quite a great time. Well, ok, I did, I'm not sure about her completely, but she seemed to anyway. Lady Gray is intelligent and has a sense of humor. She's a bit of a cynic like me, and even thinks like me in a lot of ways. She's had an unusual past, but so have I, and I felt I understood her.

Apparently, I was very wrong.

Lady Gray from Fable

After I dropped her off on the way home I sent her a text joking about our time we had that night. I texted her the next day asking about her schedule, wanting to see her again. She wasn't sure and would get back to me. She said she hadn't slept too well so I told her not to worry and get some rest.

You see, Lady Gray was very interesting to me, I wanted to learn more about her. Her likes, dislikes, how she thinks, what she knows. I didn't message her for a day or so since she had said she was tired. Then I decided to just say hi, see how she was, ask her a couple things. I really was thinking of her since the date, wanting to know her better.

I suppose I'm very interested in people; how they think, how the world looks to them. It may seem trivial to some people, but I wanted to know about her growing up, her thoughts, even her favorite color. People are fascinating. Apparently, however, this was the wrong thing to ask.

Today I was told by her (over text) that my occasional lighthearted texts and questions were perceived as childish pleas for attention, vapid with no real meaning (yes, I'm being redundant), and finally... obnoxious. Now, it's not like I was flooding her with texts. Perhaps 5 or 6 a day on the days I'd send any at all.*

Lady Gray is a scary undead in Fable 2. You can marry her, also.

I understand that people see texts in different ways, and use them differently. I also know that people communicate in different ways. I can even see how my messages could be interpreted that way; however that's not anything near what I was actually doing. Maybe I'm sentimental, but when I thought of her favorite color, it reminded me of her. Also, I like to buy/make people gifts. If I know their preferences, I can do that better. Of course, I wasn't expecting to shower Lady Gray with gifts after one date, but it's still nice to know for the future.

To me, someone's favorite color has meaning. It's special to them -- at least, that's why you call it a favorite, I assume. It also does say something about them in a visceral way, I believe. Perhaps I made the mistake of starting to care for Lady Gray after just one date and our talk at the convention. But, I did, somehow. I had this feeling she was special. Ah, if only I was a Vulcan and only relied on logic. Of course the Pon Farr might be a pain...

I suppose I don't like having my maturity questioned; I feel like quite a capable adult. I put work before play and set high goals in reality, not fantasy. But when I have fun, sometimes I have fun like a child. After all, they are the best at having fun, don't you think? I can enjoy a good talk on Stephen Hawking and string theory or a water balloon fight in the back yard just as equally.

Of course, it's best to learn now that my playfulness and curiosity are perceived as obnoxious by Lady Gray and she can happily go her way thinking I am those things; I can only hope that others won't see it that way because frankly -- I love being who I am.

*Note, these texts were part of an actual conversation not me just sending texts over with no reply.

No One Ever Died of Loneliness

I often have deep thoughts in the shower. I suspect many do. Today's musings included thoughts about family, friends, and life, as well as wondering what we would be eating today if turkeys were better at flying. I also thought: you know, I have a lot of single friends. They probably get lonely like I do. In fact, they probably have the same kinds of feelings and experiences I do.

This led to a revelation: if you're alone today, you're not alone. 

So, all of you who read this: know that there are others who have the same experiences and feelings, and are having them right now. Somewhere, out there, someone is going to a Thanksgiving dinner with family and cousins and siblings who will be bringing their boyfriends and girlfriends and husbands and wives and wondering how long they will be the odd one out. Someone else is just sick and tired of having parents ask them when they can expect some grandchildren. And surely someone is completely disgusted at hearing, "You're a great person, I'm sure you'll find someone someday," for the thirty eight billion thousandth time.

The truth is, there's no guarantee there's someone out there for you. Hell, there's no guarantee you won't get hit by a bus tomorrow, or get a horrible wasting disease, or get exposed to gamma rays and develop mutant human strength and save the world from disaster. There's an important lesson here. Radiation is dangerous people, don't mess around with it.

But the other lesson is this: your life is more than whether you are single or not. I know; sometimes I have even felt as though I'm less than a full person, or there is something terribly wrong with me, or I'm a loser in life because I can't seem to find that other magical human to be with. I don't let those thoughts take hold, I shut them down immediately. You should too.

As I run off to be around friends I am thankful for today, I want to encourage you to, well, as cliche as it sounds: go for your dreams. You can be and do so many things, regardless of having someone you call a mate. Be it. Do it. Smile. You have so much, you have life, live it for all you've got. There's nothing wrong with you for being single, so many of us are with you.... you're not alone.

Date a Wolfman!

So, I decided that even though I was taking a break from the wild (and difficult, and painful) world of dating, I'd keep writing in my dating blog. I'm experimenting with a new idea: talking up my single friends. Why not?

In that spirit, I present to you Wolfman Dave.

You know, it's funny, I've known Dave for years and I never really found out why he's called Wolfman. I suppose, ladies, you'll have to find out for yourself.

Dave: part wolf, part ... ???

I met Dave through a series of random events. I happened to be walking around Old Town Pasadena with a friend when we passed a Body Shop. I wanted to get some cool soap or something so I went in and met a girl wearing a Full Metal Alchemist necklace working there, Liz. Of course we became friends and then she invited me to see Iron Man with a bunch of her friends. Outside in the parking lot while we were waiting, there was this red haired guy drawing awesome looking stuff in a sketchbook, who turned out to be Dave.

Dave and I hit it off immediately, but that's easy for him: this guy is funny. Not only is he very witty, but he's incredibly talented. The guy can not only draw, but write, sing, and act. I asked him to draw my web comic, The Great Space Race, and he did! 

Dave's and my love child

He's also a great guy to have around in a pinch. He's worked at hospital many years and knows how to transport injured people. Not only that, but he does it properly. This man carried me to my car when I hurt my back shooting my Robotech fan video. And my car wasn't that close either!

It goes without saying he's a big nerd like me. Marvel and Transformers are two things he likes a lot. He invents his own super heroes and sometimes wears a kilt. Big into sci-fi and literature. He's intellectual and cultured at times... and definitely mischievous. He works hard, he writes a lot, he is close to his family. Dave lives near Glendale, owns a car, and is even semi-responsible! Moderately house trained!

Anyway, I really like this guy. Maybe you will too. Or know a girl who might! He's graciously allowed me to link to his Facebook account here, so you can be his friend.

Confessions of a Stalking Victim

This one time, I was stalked.

I know, you don't believe it do you? With my redundant relations of rejection, you'd reasonably react with repudiation. (I'm sorry I did that to you just now.)

Well you see, back when I just had moved to Los Angeles and was rather naive about my future prospects of fame, I had decided that I wouldn't be having any serious relationships. But I met a girl on the set of a film, and she liked me. A lot.

Again, I know, this probably seems unbelievable, just bear with me.

I wrote a song about being a Stalker!

So, I told her I didn't want anything serious, I didn't have time, was focusing on my acting career, all that. She was fine with that. Until about six months later, when she wasn't. I could tell things were starting to get a little strange when we had a two hour phone call where she accused me of cheating on her but wouldn't explain why she thought that. She just kept trying to get me to admit it.

Of course, I wasn't. I was just really confused. So, it turns out that, finally, after two hours she admitted that she saw me ask a female friend to a movie on Myspace (I know, I know, I'm so ashamed. It was a few years ago, ok? I swear I don't use Myspace anymore!) and so, of course, I must be cheating on her.

Well, it got weirder after that. She seemed to get more suspicious and so I finally broke things off; it was just strange. Well, that was that, I thought. I did like her and felt bad that it was over, but it seemed perhaps for the best. And that's when the stalking started.

It was really only one night of stalking, sorry to get your hopes up. See I was going to go to the Labyrinth of Jareth, Masquerade Ball. (This is, by the way, one of the most fantastic events you could ever go to; if you're in LA, get your tickets for next year now.) Originally I had hoped to take this girl, let's call her, Stacy. Stacy the Stalker. But, fortunately, there is no shortage of beautiful women that I know in Los Angeles, so I took another friend of mine. (Of course, we never dated.) Let's call this friend, Beatrice the Beauty.

So, there I was, all dressed up in a fancy costume with my Beautiful Beatrice at the Ball. (I swear, I didn't do that one on purpose.) But my fancy date didn't feel well; we only spent about an hour at the ball before I had to take her home. So, I did. Then I thought, "I didn't spend all this time on this costume to stay home all night!" So, I went back to the ball... solo. Or so I thought.

You see Stacy had read on my Myspace (!) that I was going. So she bought a ticket. To find me there. And find me she did, even with my mask on.

"Are you Steve?"

"How do you know?"

"I can tell by how you walk."

Wow. Kind of scary. So I took off my mask and she asked about my date and I told her the truth, and so of course she instantly became my date. My clingy, gropey, beggy, date. She followed me around even when I told her to give me some space. She begged me to go out on to the dance floor, and after a few times, I finally went. We danced and she rubbed herself all over me and tried to kiss me. I really wanted to escape. But no, there was no escape. She followed me everywhere until I finally couldn't take it anymore and decided I was doing to leave. Of course, so did she. She wanted to walk me to my car. I figured at least once I got in, I could escape. But then she asked for a ride back to her car.

Well damn, aren't I a nice guy? I did it. After we parked she threw herself at me, begging me to kiss her. This was really weird. I felt awful. I couldn't give in or she'd stalk me the rest of my life. I was firm, I brought her to her car. She left.

A few days later she admitted she had bought the ticket just to follow me there. I talked to her for the last time, then, and no more stalking occurred. But let me tell you; I learned my lesson.

The next year I brought my Mom as my date to the ball.

Me and Mom at Labyrinth Ball

Thanksgiving Nightmare!

So, as you may have read in my last blog... I'm taking a break from dating. But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop blogging, because, you, dear reader, deserve better than that!

You see, I've got literally dozens of horrific dating experiences from my past that I'm sure you'll love. So, this is going to be the beginning of my Blast from the Past series! (Original name, huh?)

I really don't even know anymore.

About two years ago I had a chance to go to a party at nerd heaven: CalTech. That's right. It was a school-wide party and I thought for sure I'd find some genius-girl there! It was quite an amazing party, actually, they even had a Tron theme going, with stages and props built by the students.

There was a cute girl in one of the rooms with glasses on. I started a conversation with her and she seemed smart and sweet. I liked this girl! So, I got her number. I thought things looked good, and was excited to call her. But then, she went home for... (dun dun dun)... Thanksgiving. 

Seriously. Thanksgiving ruined my chances with this girl. Why, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. I thought I'd text her while she was on vacation. Here's an example of how one conversation went.

Me: Hi, enjoying your visit home?

Her: Yes, it's great. Trying not to eat too much dessert.

Me: Enjoy it! It's only once a year. What are you going to do tonight?

Her: We're going to watch porn. 

Now, at this point, you probably are feeling something like I felt at that moment. Let's see if Google search has an image that represents this feeling. 

Something like this.

I thought... hey... so... she's... trying to be funny? Maybe? So I figured I'd go along with it.

Me: With your family?

Her: Yep. Family tradition.

Me: Oh yeah? Which one?

Her: Debbie Does Dallas. 

So, I let that go for a while. Thought I'd take a break, maybe call her the next day instead. So I called the next day. A youthful male voice answered. I asked for her, he said hold on. Then, whoever he was, put the phone down and just left it there. I could hear noises of people talking and stuff. I waited about two minutes or so, then hung up.

I called again a few hours later, hoping to finally get her. The same guy answered with, "Hey. Is this that loser guy? He sure sounds like one," then hung up.

I figured at this point, well, she must have decided she hated me and had her relative/friend answer and mock me until I went away. Or, she from the start intended to mock me and had her boyfriend answer the phone. I have to admit, I kind of got angry.

So, I decided on a last ditch plan. I'd call her at 2 a.m and leave a voice mail and tell her what had been happening just in case it was, somehow, not her behind it. I figured there's no way she'd answer at 2 a.m. Or, whoever those people were, they wouldn't answer either. So I called. A female answered. I was totally not prepared for this.

Well, let me tell you, there was no way I was going to let whoever it was make fun of me again so I laughed evilly and then hung up. Of course, it was really her who had answered.

She texted me the next day saying that she thought I was a really nice guy but then she must be wrong because what kind of nice guy would do something horrible like that? (Yes, I still feel bad about doing that. It just... happened!)

So I texted her back saying I wasn't horrible but that someone else (it seemed) was texting me and even using her phone when I tried to contact her. She said it was probably her cousins that were there for the family gathering that took her phone. Well. At that point it was kind of too awkward to continue on anymore (you know with that whole evil laughter thing), and we just agreed to go our separate ways.

Sometimes it really does seem like there's some kind of force keeping me from being with someone... this really bizarre mystic fate that causes all kind of odd things to get in the way of me just having a normal relationship with a nice woman.

Either that, or it was the work of the Curse of the Thanksgiving Turkey!

Dear God, please let this not be a real movie.

Dating Life on Injured Reserve

I know, all dozen or so of you may have been wondering about the epic story of my repeated bludgeoning out in the dating world. Well, wonder no longer!

As we left our non-hero last time, he had been on a date, just before being hung up on by a nerd-hating femme fatale.

She blew me away. Not literally.

How was that date? I'm sure one of you vaguely is asking.

It was... not horrible! Yes, nothing terrible happened. It was quite unbelievable. She was a very interesting person and I hope we'll stay friends. I don't think we will be dating, however.

In general, there are about 2-3 women I have been interested in lately but to actually get a date or even a phone call out of them has been extremely difficult. I feel like I'm chasing them down. I finally realized what I was doing and thought they must not really be that interested. In fact, heck, I'm not that interested in running around like an idiot trying to get a date with them.

So, in light of my recent experiences and current situation, that's it folks. I'm taking a break. I'm going to relax. Watch some anime, play some PS2. Start watching Revolution, if I remember that I recorded it a week ago. So, now, all of you folks who like to say "You always find someone when you're not looking," here's your chance to be right!

What dating is like for Steve

And if you're right: well fine, I won't complain. (I might just punch you in the face though. Only once.) It certainly would prove to be easier than my current methodology.

So, back to being a nerd... editing my book, editing someone else's book, working on my music, and voicing a children's audio book. And whatever else I want, when I want. Because I'm single.

P.S. Oh and also, if you were kind of mildly wondering, no, I never heard back from one single woman from DragonCon speed dating.

She hung up when I said I was a Geek

So, yet another girl I had met on OKCupid has been playing phone tag with me for weeks. It's strange because I really don't even use OKCupid for dating but people tend to message me. Regardless, this is what happened when I finally got her on the phone today. (As close as I can remember this is what we said.)

Me: Hi! Glad to finally talk. I wanted to ask why you have a blocked number?

Sue: Well, I get a lot of rude people so they have to earn the privilege to get my main number.

Me: Oh, I see. So what are you looking for in a guy?

Sue: If you read my profile you'd already know that.

Me: Well, I did, but that was about a month ago, remember?

Sue: Well you seemed really interested in me so I've been nice and returning your calls.

Me: Yes, well you actually messaged me first. 

Sue: So what do you look for in a woman?

Me: Well, I'm kind of a geek.

Sue: And you're proud of that?

I think this will go well.

Me: Of course, I love being a geek.

Sue: Why are you proud of being a nerd or a geek?

Me: Well, I just -- I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

Sue: Yes, but what are you proud of about being a geek?

Me: Well, I guess I enjoy being able to have fun, intellectual conversations with others about science and science fiction, things like that.

Sue: And you're proud of that.

Me: Well, you can kind of imagine -- have you seen Big Bang Theory? I'm kind of like some of the characters on that show, except I'm more well socially adjusted.

Sue: So you're one of those people that hang around all night waiting for a movie to open, because you have no life.

Me: Well, no I just said, I'm like that except I'm well socially adjusted.

Sue: In your mind.

Me: You can ask my friends, and I have a lot of them --

Sue: Which are all nerds too.

Me: No, I actually have friends from all over the world --

Sue: No, I think you're really a major geek. GOOD-bye.

The good thing is at least this saved me from actually having a date with this woman, can you imagine how awful that would be? And yes, if you imagined her with a snarky, condescending tone in her voice as she talked, you got it right! I feel sorry for the guy she ends up with.

P.S. Stuff! I did go out an a real date with a real geek girl today, but I had to type this phone call out before I forgot any of the precious statements Sue made. So I'll blog about that other stuff soon.

Speed Dating for Nerds!

As I told you recently, I had plans to go to DragonCon. And, so I did. 

I met some cool new friends at the top of the escalator in the Hyatt who were discussing zombies, and one mentioned there was an event, "Light Speed Dating" that Friday night. At first, I was a bit hesitant, but then I remembered my duty to you, dear reader, in writing this blog. After all, I had just done a "normal people" speed dating event (and realized I'm anything but) so I felt it necessary to go experience this phenomenon.

Light Speed Dating at DragonCon

I came to the event just as it was starting. There were two huge lines going out both doors. They were all men. Hundreds and hundreds of men. I am not exaggerating this number in the least. I'd say at least 200. There were no women in the line. Why? Because the event was short on women and any female interested could skip the line and just walk in.

I managed to get in to the event, while hundreds of men still waited outside, hoping. I got my number, 512, and eventually found a seat. I have to tell you that there were probably one hundred women and one hundred men in the room, set in circles of chairs. There were about 4 circles. They were still frantically trying to get more women in to match the amount of men. Eventually, we started.

Since there were so many people we had one minute to talk to each person. Basically it meant that once things started getting interesting, it was time to move on. You were allowed to pick your top five and write them on your card, to see if you match up later. (If you didn't know, speed daters write down numbers of the ones they like, and at the end the organizers see if two people pick each other for a match.)

Let's hope I find her soon, and don't have to fight any exes.

I talked to so many fan girls that night, it was amazing. Many of them were in costume! And I knew all of them were single. I was pretty happy to have so many of them in the room that shared my interests. We asked each other all kinds of questions, about our lives and interests. Most of them were shaking hands, so, unfortunately that's probably how I got sick. (Cough.) In the end I actually had eight women I liked, and had to pick from. I even met another actress girl from Los Angeles and we decided to be friends regardless since we are in the same area and profession.

Finally, after almost three hours, my voice was gone, and the event was over. I turned in my card, hoping for at least one match. Now, I know you're wondering what happened with my matches, and I have to tell you: so am I. It's been a few days since the event, but considering the massive amount of people those poor organizers have to go through, it's not surprising that they haven't gotten back to me yet. At least I have to think that way because the only other conclusion is that none of the women I picked chose me in return. Of course, that would never happen! Haha!

I did find out later that one of the very attractive women I picked just did it for a lark and totally put down fake contact information. Gee, thanks for wasting one of my votes! 

Other Things Happening and Not Happening 

Recently two women on OKCupid actually messaged me. One was a pretty yoga instructor. I told her I was going on vacation for two weeks and that I'd love to get together when I got back. She said that sounded great and was looking forward to seeing me. Except when I got back:

YogiWendy has deleted her account.

I met a girl locally a month or so ago who also gave me her facebook, she added me yet hardly ever talked to me. She is a nerdy kind of girl who also shares other things in common with me. Recently I saw her in my top friends and decided she was never going to talk to me so I deleted her and sent a message to her. She replied by giving me her number. I'm so confused.

Also, at DragonCon, I decided this year I'd just chill and see my friends and such (besides the speed dating, obviously.) However, just wandering around, I did meet a few girls I liked. Here's the synopsis:

Girl 1: Beautiful, nice, sweet, talked to me a good amount... totally didn't tell me she has a boyfriend (saw it on Facebook.)

Girl 2: Wandered up to her to compliment her dress at the bar. When I did, the three guys talking to her left. Maybe they thought I was with her? I talked to her and her friend for over an hour and walked them to their car. She helped me find her on Facebook, picking the correct account. She still hasn't added me. Why do that?

Girl 3: I was about to fly back home and saw this pretty and happy girl dancing with her friends. She was steampunk and had a cat tail. I found myself wishing I had someone like her, someone with that fun and happiness that was so evident. I thought, "Why not?" as I was about to fly out and leave. I asked her to waltz and she did. It was very fun and brought a little joy to my heart. I asked her if I could talk to her again... and to my surprise she actually added me on facebook. We even talked a while and it seems we'd be great together. Until she told me she's just "not dating right now." (Of course this could be code for "not dating you right now.") Oh well. That's what I get for getting my hopes up! Bad Steve.

P.S. I want to let you know that though, as you can see, my dating life is and has been miserable through most of my life, I still am a happy and motivated person. I have many blessings and rewards and goals. I am grateful for this life, and the next. For some reason, I have this strong desire in my heart for a soul mate, and so I still seek her, regardless of the pain. I simply must.

Letter to my friends and a crazy person

Dear Readers,

I have received a lot of great feedback here and on facebook about my personal dating journey. It makes me very glad to know that 1) people actually read this thing and 2) not only that, you seem to care. That's really awesome. :)

Lately it seems to me I may be giving the wrong impression. So, I want to answer a couple of concerns people have mentioned. And then address a crazy person. But that's later. First, let's talk.

Looking Diligently Does Not Mean Settling

Yes. I'm looking rather thoroughly for someone. I realize I want someone very special and rare. I know that many of them that meet my expectations are probably so awesome they are with someone and also have a line going out the door after that. So I'm trying the usual ways I look, like through friends, social activities, dating sites, etc. I'm also trying other things, like the speed dating I mentioned last time. This is the way I look at it: I'm like a biologist trying to find that rare species that some people think might not exist, I'm the archaeologist trying to find a lost treasure, I'm the musician trying to achieve that perfect harmony. I believe it will take effort to find someone like this, and so I look. I'm not looking really hard and then taking the first person that comes along. There will be no settling.

Lonely Does Not Mean Desperate

I told someone on facebook the other day I was going to speed dating and they said, "Wow. You're desperate." No, I'm not. I'm just doing what I would do for any goal I have in mind -- I work for it. I try as hard as I can and hold nothing back. I realize lately I've posted a few times about how I'm lonely. I am. It happens. I see this as a feeling. It can come and go. I don't see it as a symptom of some problem. Sometimes I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm excited, I'm confused -- I'm a lot of things that are simply a part of being human. If I'm lonely, I accept it. Feelings are part of being alive. Even feeling sad can be a beautiful experience, the depth of feeling one can have. I love that we have emotions, and so many of them. I don't believe they should control us, however. Some nights I'm lying in bed dying for someone to hold, to fall asleep with, to feel breathing next to me, softly, at peace. That doesn't mean I'm going to go crazy and grab random people to sleep next to. This longing will make it much sweeter when it is fulfilled.

I think perhaps because my dating experience has been so transparent and I'm posting about it makes it seem more to the forefront, so it might give the impression of these things, but it's not really like that.

Dear Crazy Person,

I find your comments bizarre, unsettling, and only vaguely related to what I'm actually saying. I do not want a girl who is "smart" so she can pay attention to my brains and "lack of physical prowess." I don't think I'm better than anyone, including jocks. I'm also not a sexist pig.... anyway I found out that that person was a troll. At least, it was trying to be a troll, but it instead appeared to me to be mostly insane and made no real sense. So maybe it was a confusion type of troll. Carry on!

Go, Speed Dater, Go! (Nowhere.)

So, I figured I must be looking in the wrong places. Geek dating sites are coming up empty, even normal people dating sites don't work (as you probably didn't read in my previous blog.) I started looking for geeky groups on Meetup, and then just any groups on Meetup that I have interest in. It was there I found... a Speed Dating group.

I'm sorry, blame Google images.

Not only did I sign up, but I paid good money to go to an event. This was a colossal mistake on my part.

This is not to say there was anything bad about the women there. They were great. They were also very, very... normal. I don't even mean this in a bad way except that they served to accentuate how incredibly not normal and/or mainstream that I am. I show up with my blue hair to a bunch of middle class businesswomen who like going to the beach, and I feel something is wrong. Not only that, but there was a cute Asian lady that showed up that I actually was looking forward to talking to. Yeah. She left the event before it started. Apparently, she took one look at us "eligible males" and hightailed it right out of there. (I guess she won't get her money back.)

Now I do have to mention that the guys there were a bit scary. One guy was obviously 50+ even though the event was supposed to be 30-40. Since I've mostly dated women in their 20's lately I thought maybe this would work out... but it's like I suspected. What women in their 30's in a career spend time playing anime and video games? I mean, I have a job and stuff too, really! But when I come home I'm a nerd. These women come home and... I'm not even sure. What do normal people do? Watch TV? Crochet?

Zim. Sort of.

Anyway, I did put a "Yes" for a nice doctor lady who just moved here and wants to make new friends. However, I think she put "No" for me. I feel a bit like a loser.

So, I have no idea where to look. If I go look at church, the girls there are, well, also normal. Don't get me wrong, some of them are gorgeous and smart. I just need a freak like me. Who is going to wake me up with anime and hot cocoa and talk about our plans to take over the world and make the next Lord of the Rings?

Cons are usually a failure. In fact that's where most of my disasters have happened. Even through friends and facebook, nothing working there. I'm being practical about this in a way; mathematically if I extend my search more broadly, I'll have a larger sample. Or something like that. You know, the shotgun approach.

Every day I see friends on facebook post about their relationships...

Gazing at people, some hand in hand, Just what I'm going through they can't understand.

Look, all I need is one amazing, energetic, faithful, nerdy, creative woman to love me like gangbusters, how hard is that, right? :)

A Dream of Castles

According to this random website I just found:

To dream of being in a castle, you will be possessed of sufficient wealth to make life as you wish. You have prospects of being a great traveler, enjoying contact with people of many nations. To see an old and vine-covered castle, you are likely to become romantic in your tastes, and care should be taken that you do not contract an undesirable marriage or engagement.

My dream is to build my own castle. In a way. This is the plan:

The Plan

Look, there's even a heading so you know for sure this is where the plan part is.

I want to buy a house with a large piece of land, in the forest. It probably will be in the south somewhere. On this land, with my house I will have: a medieval tavern, a small fort, a forge where I can make my own swords, cabins for friends to stay for SCA and LARP type events, an archery range, and a tree house.

The tavern will be a splendid wood, wattle and daub style structure, with a kitchen and of course lovely ale and wine type drinks.

Not quite as big as this one.

 Many days I'll go out and work on my swords. I'm sure at first the ones I forge will be pretty bad, but I can give those away or hang them up on the walls in the keep. The keep will be a simple rectangular stone structure that will also double as a feast hall. It will have small towers and of course banners with colorful heraldry. Also it will have a rampart that can be defended -- all of this of course for my friends to fight on and from, whether they are fighters, archers, or even mages. 

You see a castle in the distance. "I take it." Okay, you take the castle.

I'll make it so we can have a big bonfire near the tavern, and at night we can tell stories and sing songs around it in our costumes. 

The treehouse will be fantastic. I'll find a nice tree near the edge of the woods and build a structure with a room and a sleeping balcony area. I plan to screen it off against bugs, but leave the top and sides open so you can breathe the cool night air, as well as look at the stars while you sleep. I'll probably have some nice replica looking lanterns there as well, electric but they will look period. (Don't want to burn down my treehouse.)

One part of the plan I'm really looking forward to: I want to build most of this stuff myself. I'm sure I'll need some help with parts, but I imagine the satisfaction of putting in the work of building all this and I feel very happy indeed. And how nice would it be to have a lovely wife there along to share it with me? Even without a lovely Eowyn... I would still greatly enjoy sleeping in my tree, forging swords, shooting a bow, having friends around the campfire... and creating new adventures. 

I hope to allow LARP and renaissance groups to use my place for free every weekend. And during the week I'd have my quiet forest home with my keep. We could even bring children in for events and introduce them to the wonderful world of fantasy, swordfighting, and archery.

Now, I'm not sure where life will lead me or what I'll be doing. I might even only live there part of the year and let my LARP friends from the south live there and take care of it for me. This is only one dream of mine as well. I have many, including racing cars again. 

I know, all this costs money... but in the south you can get a house and land inexpensively, and if I build a lot of this myself, it wouldn't really be astronomical. It would be worth it, to have this dream. 

Hello? Is this thing on?

So, I've been out there, meeting people, and I've been looking online. And I'm happy to say that the results of all my recent searching and efforts is... nothing.

This sign is not really here.

At this point, I imagine many might wonder if they are doing something wrong. That would include me. I'm pretty discouraged. You'd think that there'd be a nice lady out there who wouldn't mind a guy like me who wants to be nice to her and make her happy. I can't seem to find takers for this proposition... I think it may be that they think I'm someone that I'm really not. Maybe they don't trust easily. However, they could at least go on one date to find out more of what I'm like. It's the same song as always. I Gave You My Number and/or Facebook But I Won't Really Ever Respond To You, by The Girls. Terrible title really.

The rest of the album isn't so bad.

I really don't even want to try any more right now. This is the cue for all the people to say, "Oh, you only ever really find someone when you're not trying." Except I wasn't trying for about three years, a while back, and there was pretty much nothing then, too. So really, there's pretty much nothing to say, at least in terms of what's going on in Steve's dating life.

So, even though I have nothing to say right now, I've got some ideas for some future blogs you might like. I'm going to talk about my dream life that I'd want someone to share with me. Also, I'm going to DragonCon again, but if you read my blog from last year (DragonCon romance, aka Practice at Being Shot Down) then you can guess I'm not so excited about that one either. Besides having fun at the con, of course, I still manage to do that. So, stay tuned, for dreams and flying machines...

P.S. In my web search for absolutely nothing I found a pretty keen website about nothing. It's Nothing.net!  

Here's a quote from the main page:

We believe in nothing, and we think you should too. We have our workers doing nothing around the clock, finding new ways to package nothing, new problems to confront (in our big 32 page manual which is offered free with every purchase), or doing literally nothing just to waste time. 

I need to marry Éowyn

I was talking with some new friends the other night, and one of the girls was talking about Chris Evans: how he just gave her tingles down her spine, she loved watching how he moved, his voice... everything. I replied that I want someone to feel like that about me. It only had to be one person, I didn't need any more than that; just one who loved the sound of my voice and was thrilled just to be near me. Another friend replied,

"Maybe there is someone who feels like that, and they never told you."

Wouldn't that be tragic and terrible? Of course, I suppose it might also be tragic and terrible as well if the feelings were not reciprocated. But at least she would know, either way. This is what got me thinking -- I need a woman who tells me how she feels. Eowyn (for the nerd challenged, she is from the Lord of the Rings books/movies) is just such a woman. You never are wondering how she feels.

Éowyn: I do not wish to play at riddles. Speak plainer!

Just last week I took a new female friend out for dinner. Not long into it she asked me what my intentions were, and told me she wasn't interested in dating. I suppose some people might feel unhappy about this revelation, but I was thrilled indeed. I knew exactly how she felt and I didn't have to guess. I'm going to quote my friend Celina from a recent blog comment:

Not that it's any consolation, but guys behave this way also. It's frustrating and confusing and just leaves me wondering, "Why?" but there is no answer. I don't understand why some people can't just say, "I am not interested in seeing you again." I always extend that courtesy to a guy if I am not interested. If I have the common decency (and guts) to do it, then so should they. Right? Yeah...not so much.

Eowyn doesn't mess around.

Éowyn: The women of this country learned long ago that those without swords may still die upon them. I fear neither death nor pain.

I'm willing to fight for love... to face fear and pain. This woman feared nothing, she faced the Witch King on the field of battle:

But no living man am I! You look upon a woman. Eowyn am I, Eomund’s daughter. You stand between me and my lord and kin. Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you, if you touch him.

If I love you, you will know it down to your bones and your soul. Everything about you will be loved... your beauty as well as your faults, and I will fight for you. I want someone to love me this way, but I also offer the same in return.  Eowyn lived her passion; she loved like this.

Another friend of mine was in love with someone at her church; he played guitar every Sunday, and she would watch him from the seats, adoring him. She loved his hair, his voice, his talents. She got to know everything she could about him, joined groups to be near him... but never, ever told him how she felt. She simply couldn't. Lucky for her, after about a year later, he finally realized that this wonderful woman wanted him, and they started dating and now they're married. I told her many times to tell him and she just said: I can't. 


Eowyn isn't real, but her courage and love are real qualities. If someone loves you and you don't feel the same, tell that person. If you love someone and they don't know -- tell them. You only live for so long on this earth, don't waste it. Love is too precious.

Perhaps tonight I'll dream of my Eowyn... whoever she may be.

GQ says: Steve is the Ideal Man!

So, I just happened to read what I'm sure is an extremely rigorous and scientific survey from GQ magazine. It asked women what traits their "ideal man" has! Hmm. What if they lied? What if they really want "huge (censored)" but instead said, "good listener." 

Anyway, here's the link: GQ's Ideal Man

So, what is the ideal man? Survey says:

Google's "Ideal Man"

Survey findings – what makes a man close to ideal?

• Honesty.
• Kindness.
• Intelligence.
• Has a good sense of humour.
• More likely to have blue eyes than brown.
• Speaks at least two languages.
• More important that he is romantic than good in bed.
• Meat eaters are preferred to vegetarians.
• Is a good listener.

I could insist how honest I am, but I suppose there's no way to prove that. But you remember that story about that ancient Greek dude who walked around with a lamp looking for an honest man? He put that sucker out when he found me. 

Also, I'm more likely to have blue eyes than brown. So far, every single day that I have woken up, my eyes have been blue, so I think I have good odds of continuing that trend. 

Ok, ok, I don't really speak two languages. But, my fellow nerds will appreciate that I can program in several computer languages. Yeah. Get that. Several. 

Also, I eat meat, so I've got that going for me. In fact, when I am eating meat, I can listen really well.

Survey findings – moderately important characteristics:

• Drives a European car.
• Wears a suit to work.
• Has a degree.
• Is clean shaven.

Well, thank God these are only moderately important. I don't know that I'll ever drive a European car, but my boring tan Chevy is amazing. I have a great job teaching college where I can have blue hair at work. I don't think that's on this list. Nope. No blue hair. Anyway, I have two whole degrees. No, really, I'm serious. And I'm clean shaven... on those days that I actually shave in the morning! 

Some women have... different standards.

So, instead of rambling on, I'm going to ask... what do YOU think is the ideal man? 

A Tale of Two Nerd Girls

Why is Steve up at 9:30 in the morning? It's an odd combination of our loud sprinkler system that goes off at 8 am along with the fact that my mind has violently grabbed the reins of my body, insisting I must write things.

"Write, Steve, Write!" It says.

"Blerg, merfl," I respond groggily, trying desperately to hold the eloquent phrases my half asleep mind has conjured up before they float away in the mists of reality.

This is the story of two girls, who cried a river and... no, wait.

The Perfect Princess


All right, she wasn't perfect. I just like alliteration. I met a girl at a party recently. At first I was really impressed at her charm and intelligence. We talked, and in my offhand way of joking around, I think I may have put her off. I wandered around the party and eventually talked with her again. Suddenly she seemed nice again. Hmmm... maybe she didn't totally hate me. I found out a lot about this girl (I don't know why I prefer to say "girl" instead of "woman", I think it's because I still feel like a teenager at heart sometimes.)

Anyway, (I like that word, did you notice?) this princess was pretty, smart and seriously liked just about everything I do. She worked in computers and writing, does LARP, D&D, likes swords, does ballroom dancing, anime, reading (we even have many of the same favorite books) and well, just about everything else I like. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want or need someone who likes everything I do, that would be unrealistic and silly. However, I pictured us together reading, dancing, swordfighting, watching anime, trading witty barbs, and thoroughly enjoying ourselves. I thought, surely, she should have an interest in this idea. When I left the party, she seemed suddenly very nice, and gave me a look when I said goodbye filled with warmth and a light in her eyes. It seemed sincere.

I waited a day or so just to be patient and think about it, and then messaged her on a dating site I knew she was on. I didn't hear anything back, but maybe she just didn't log in there. I messaged her on facebook and added her. She added me as a friend, but never answered my message at either place. Hmm. I have no idea what to make of this. However, a couple days later I met someone else who has made me almost forget her.

The Pretty Pirate


Sometimes random things happen. Somehow I added someone on facebook that I thought maybe I'd met before but I didn't really care because she dressed up like a pirate and I'd like to be friends regardless. Strangely enough, she added me and talked with me. She mentioned she worked nearby and I said I should come visit sometime, and she said, "Come tomorrow!"

That's not the usual response I get from women I just met on the internet. It's usually more like the virtual equivalent of pepper spray and "Get away you stalker!" Well, of course, I went to see her. There are a few people in the world that, I feel, are truly alive inside; full of life and love and energy. This pirate girl is one of them. You could see it in her eyes and her smile and also the way she totally ran around being silly and not caring what people thought. If you know me, this describes my typical day on the town. So many times my friends just watch me being ridiculous, but don't join in*. Here, I had a "partner in crime**," as they say.

Now, this girl and I are by no means as similar as myself and the princess. However, (and I hope I'm right), pirate girl seems to be sweet and caring down to her bones, and that is more important and wonderful than just about anything else. As we walked around my bootlace broke, and she took it from me, tied it back together, knelt down and re-laced it for me without me even asking. This was simultaneously sweet and sexy.

Now, of course, like many geek girls, Pretty Pirate Girl she has many suitors. In just a few days talking with her, she has mentioned at least five other guys after her. In a way, of course, that is to be expected with a pretty pirate. However, it's a little uncomfortable when she talks about how they are in love with her and always telling her. She's friends with some of them also. That makes it interesting. I wonder if there's room for me in there? Will I have to fight them off? Will she realize that I'm worth more than ten average pirate boys! Ha ha! I'm feeling roguey!

Okay, maybe not that roguey.

So far, we've just met the once and I don't even know when I'll see her again. But hey, at least Pirate girl is talking to me! I suppose the Princess will just sit around in her castle.

Aw, man.

* Yes, I know Christina, you ran through the fountain and I didn't. I like being silly, just not wet and silly.
**No laws were actually broken by myself or her last Tuesday.

Cross My Heart and Hope to Die

If you've seen Azumanga Daioh you know about how Sakaki tries to pet this sweet looking little gray cat she sees on the street going to school. And you know that every time she tries, it bites her viciously. But it doesn't warn her, or act vicious. No, it sucks her in, making her think, this time, this time, it will let me pet it. 

Sakaki loves cats

I'm not sure what reason women do this to me, but I have a feeling if I understood this gray cat, I'd understand women.

Ouch! That hurts!

I was at a random New Year's party last year when I met a beautiful bartender girl. She actually had tattoos on her that spoke about her faith, the same as mine. She talked to me a lot, seemed very interested, and gave me her number. We became facebook friends. She gave me her number. We talked. I was a little excited during the conversation, I interrupted her a couple of times. I called later and left a voice mail and apologized for interrupting. She never spoke to me again. Didn't answer texts, or facebook, or... anything. Just threw me away and I don't know why. 

I met another girl at karaoke I really liked. She sang like an angel. We knew each other for about six months, talking every week at karaoke. I got her number. We became facebook friends. We talked. Then, one day, she stopped returning my texts. And my facebook messages. And never talked to me again. 

Mild Heart Contusions

There was yet another girl who was a punk chick and competition gamer. Beautiful, and hey, a gamer! She said she liked this Halo shirt I had, so I told her I'd get her one. She told me she was coming to a convention I was also going to and she'd meet me in the gaming room on Saturday. I bought her a shirt. I waited around the gaming room for two hours. I kept checking it for her the whole rest of the convention. I got home, no message or anything from her. I messaged her and she said, "Oh, yeah. I didn't feel like going." Gee, thanks for telling me.

One day I met a nice fan girl on Facebook who was a friend of a friend. Well, she seemed nice. We talked a lot, and finally set a date, I was going to take her on a grand adventure, I had a big day planned. She never showed up. She didn't answer her phone or messages. The next day I messaged her asking why she hadn't contacted me. She told me that she had texted me (which I never got), and then, proceeded to block me on Facebook and never spoke to me again. 

I went on a date with a girl that worked at a restaurant. Later I visited her and we had a great time. She told me how she would love to learn English better, and also meet more American friends. That night I read to her out of a children's book and helped her learn some new words. I arranged a dinner party with a dozen of my friends to meet her. All my friends were waiting, the dinner was prepared -- and she was nowhere to be found. No phone, no nothing. Three days later I went to her work (I thought maybe she had been in an accident), and there she was, smiling cheerfully at me like nothing happened. She had some bizarre excuse for not coming. Then she invited me to Vegas with her and a friend the next week. Except that, once again, she never answered her phone and ended up going without me. 

Et tu, Fluffy?

These were girls I wanted to date, but even girls I have been just friends with have done this. 

A girl I met at a convention was having troubles; she had to move out of her place fast. Even though I had chronic fatigue at the time, I helped her pack and move all of her stuff, put it in my car, and moved it to a storage area. Then I let her crash at my place for two days while I found her a temporary place to live, at my friend's house. She then got a flight home to the east coast with plans to move back here later. So, how did she thank me for all of my efforts? She deleted me from Facebook and never spoke to me again. 

Just recently I saw a friend of mine pop up in my top friends that I hadn't spoken to in years. I realized I didn't know much about her life for a long time and so I messaged her and asked if we could talk, saying I'd like to know what she has been up to and who she is now. She was kind of evasive at first. I messaged her and she said she didn't know why I was trying to talk to her. And I said, well, I already told you, I haven't talked to you in five years (except for little FB comments) and I was wondering what you've been doing. But I guess she didn't want to talk to me. A week later, she deleted me from her friends. Obviously, wanting to be real life friends is grounds for deleting a friend on Facebook.

I Don't Get it, Obviously

If I only understood why this all happened. There's about twice as many stories like these, but I didn't want to make the world's longest blog about being stood up. I really don't know what I'm doing to cause this to happen. I actually was interested in a genuine relationship with these women (except the last two) and wasn't out to use them or have a one night stand or anything like that. I just wanted to be nice to the little gray cat, why does she keep biting me?

All children, except one, grow up.

I'm not sure I understand what is happening to me. I think it started back when I watched the Avengers.

As you probably know, Avengers was kind of a good movie. Anyway, I realized something that I had actually already realized a long time ago but then, realized again. What did I realize that I already had realized, you ask? It is this: we can never be superheroes.

It just wouldn't work. I mean, if you sit and think about the logistics of it... transportation, secret identity, trying to have a life, etc. it just doesn't work. Which is pretty sad.

So, I thought, "If I can't be a super hero, what can I be?" I still want to be extraordinary. I took a desktop picture of Captain America's uniform and shield in a locker (from the film) and added a caption underneath saying, "Do you want to be extraordinary?" Every day I wake up, look at it, and think, YES.

It made me think, also, about the kind of woman I want to be with. There are so many of the geek/nerd girl types that live their lives around fandom. They live for conventions, costumes, shows, games... all good stuff, but what else are you doing with your life? I want someone to share the dream with me of doing amazing things, or hell, at least trying to.  I know that not all the fangirls are just into fandom. But it got me thinking, maybe I'd rather be with a girl who just kind of likes this stuff. A girl (or dare I say, woman) who wants to make a difference in people's lives while she is here on earth.

Peter Pan as a Zombie. Because Google.

So maybe I'm turning into some kind of grown up. Does that mean I'll be no fun? Man, I still love to have fun so that's a scary idea. I think I'll still have fun... but maybe more along the way.

It's hard to imagine being with someone who doesn't get all my obscure references to Firefly and Ghostbusters and Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei... oh wait, no one gets all of those. Nevermind. But something is changing. Like this blog. It used to be funny. Remember?

Anonymous Rejection!

So, I was just minding my business, searching Netflix for Jackie Chan movies and new Anime, when I got a random text from a number I didn't know.

"You mentioned a late night walk. How about this friday?"

My heart skipped a beat. Could this be my long lost love? How should I play this?

"Wrong" Steve could be "right" Steve if you want!

So, someone added me to her phone, but doesn't know who I am. And, judging by the reply she doesn't know who she is either.

Attempt at being cute failed.

No walk for me. All I get is the Angry Android Face (tm.) Well, that and ... endless silence.


My search goes on.

You! Get Back in the Dating Pool!

Aaaaand, we're back. Me and the Ninja Turtles and the Blue Gremlin of Fate.

I had a bit of a dilemma where I started dating this really great woman, but I wanted to respect her privacy so I didn't post things about our relationship here. So, I just didn't post for a while. But now, great news for you, we broke up! (Maybe not so much for me, but I suppose it's Yin and Yang and ... why is the Yin Yang symbol reminding me of Hostess cupcakes?)

Warning: I stole this from the Internets

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yes, well, it's time to start blogging about my (lack of a) dating life again!

Just to depress myself, I went back to my old dating sites. I didn't even polish or update my old profile. I suppose I didn't feel like putting in the effort. Well, I did update one picture, I think. Anyway, so I've been thinking lately, that maybe I don't want one of those beautiful cosplay-obsessed girls that look fantastic as Batgirl or Poison Ivy or Gamma Radiated Margaret Thatcher. They are simply always swarmed by fan boys, and I imagine this gives them a big head. Besides that, they are always swarmed by fan boys, so it would be hard to keep them, I would think. In fact, I just had a dream about this last night. I married some fan girl in a quick, bizarre ceremony (in a college dorm, where we were moving to) and then she proceeded to obsess about her every costume, sew and shop all the time, and practice for cosplay skits, leaving zero time for me. Forget WoW Widows, I was a Cosplay Widower!

Google search for "WoW Widow", also stolen

I'd still like to have an outstanding geek girl that would watch anime, play video games, sword fight, and LARP... hopefully even with me at times! I think what I'm looking for right now is someone nice, but also someone with drive, to do things beyond gaming and hobbies. So, I searched a popular dating site for some terms I thought might help.

Genius:            0 results
Extraordinary:  0 results

Okay. Maybe I'll try to find someone with similar interests to me, so I'll search for "anime."

Hello, my name is Jenny, I am a professional Dominatrix and an aspiring voice actor. 

Or, I suppose, I could become a hermit.